It is a good morning. By the time I had finished my shower my Bert had made the bed and was ready and waiting for his bath. Now breakfast was done and my Bert was sitting, waiting for me to put in his hearing aids. He looked out the window and said: “It is a beautiful day. The sun is shining. I love this place. It is quiet.” He smoothed the table cloth and says: “I love this table cover. It is cheerful. This is my favourite shirt. I love my shirt. You look nice. I love you. You don’t know how much I love you”. He was smiling. I smiled at the diction of my wonderful toddler/husband and was impelled to write:
I will be patient, kind and loving
I will remember “It is the disease”
I will laugh with, talk with, and share with,
I will see an adult who is facing challenges not a recalcitrant child
Even if that‘s the reality.
I will not brush off, nor ignore
I will feed and clothe and soothe
I will encourage and praise
I will entertain and join in games
Even when I am tired
I will sing a lullaby and blow a kiss
I will mime a story and be silly to jog a memory
I will accept the illogical as the new logic
I will coerce the abnormal to be normal
Even though I reject it
I will love and cherish as promised
I will make our home a safe and warm place
I will be wife but accept that I am mother too
I will endure to the end
Of him or me.
The Meander: I see a steady and continuing metamorphosis. A thief is robbing the faculties. I note the weakened senses leading to confusion and bewilderment. I see how much has been diminished, how the familiar terrain is becoming a strange and arid landscape. I am first row center as this terrible disease plays out its act of destruction. Yet that appreciation of the simple things and his love epitomizes My Bert. Yes, the disease may be the victor of the body but not of YOU.
My Bert has been keeping his vow without fail. I will try to keep mine.