The T.V. is on
An intrusive susurration
Barely audible
I hear, I do not listen
My thoughts are inward, personal,
Dark
Created from fear
Not knowing what lies ahead
Afraid to speculate
So tired, breathing is onerous
Brain at rest is wishful thinking
Sleep deprived too often a descriptive companion
Sleep is a roiling, swirling maelstrom,
Too vigilant to be peaceful
Thinking, doing, planning remembering for two
Forgetting self
Learning new unwanted skills
A logistical nightmare
Endless.
Tears make tracks down my face.
This disease that robs our humanity, our dignity is the worst.
“…Breaking news…22 persons, including children were killed by a suicide bomber at Arianna Grande concert in Manchester City, England… Hundreds are injured…”
Breath caught…Breathe, just breathe.
No, dementia is not the worst.
This is.
The Meander: May 22, 2017 was one day that the burden of being a caregiver was heavy. The senseless bombing and loss of innocent lives at what should have been a happy occasion gave me a new, if somber, perspective. I had to record it somehow.