Recap to Forward

How were the holidays for you?  I was going to ask how 2020 was but I know the answer to that.  Unless you were under a rock in some undiscovered region of our planet you will have definite opinions on the pandemic year and I would guess the recap is not ecstatic.

Yet, it was not all despair.  There is no need to itemize neither the many disasters nor the outpouring of kindnesses.  The yearend pundits have done that ad nauseum. 

Let’s leap forward into 2021.  It’s  January 1, 2021 and leap is the wrong word.  The transition from one year to the next was so uneventful.  I made a tour of New Year’s Eve celebrations on television that were not.  The hosts of the non events tried valiantly but New Year’s Eve celebrations need people, music, parties, gatherings, community, and friends.

If it were not for the various fireworks displays streamed every now and then as we followed the dawning of the day around our world this passing of 2020 into 2021 would be just another night into day.

Yet this is a special passing from darkness into light, and although we are stumbling around in the dark there is some light.  There are signs that a new day dawns.

Who would imagine that a vaccine would be the most positive highlight of a year or that so many would be anxious to roll up a sleeve to get a jab from a needle?

2020 was such a disaster positive spins came out negatively.  Comments ranged from: “Well, I am still on top of the grass.”  To “It could have been worse, I suppose.”  The latter said with such dubiousness that you heard the unspoken: “but I don’t know how it could have been”.

Christmas 2019 I was so stressed going all out on the celebrations, fearing that it would be the last Christmas we would be together as a family in our home. We knew that a person with Alzheimer disease went one way only.  Every recurring occasion, event or celebration could be the last.

Though 2020 made the fear a reality it could have been worse.  We were all well, on top of the grass and Christmas was not cancelled.  We did have lunch together with Zoom as the connector, and a new tradition was born.

I am not sure Corbert and Amy are aware of this new tradition as yet but I have already embraced it wholeheartedly.  Until this pandemic year the family came to us.  We had a great time but lord, was I tired afterwards.  This year I went to them.

What a difference.  I was pampered, well fed by the wonderful Amy, while Corbert got me whatever I cared for, set me up with a movie we could all enjoy, and I was able to watch the minuet as they both worked at the various tasks that resulted in a delicious meal. It was a special time of togetherness, family, love, sharing and caring.

That is my new tradition.  I better tell them about it.

As for being together, that had special meaning because at 12:01 a.m. December 26^th we would be in lockdown.  That meant being confined to our homes, only leaving for essential services like going to the pharmacy, grocery store or to medical appointments.   Since I was sleeping over I decided going home qualified as essential especially as it included a stop with my Bert for lunch. 

So now 2021 is here.  How will it unfold?   Who knows?  I think it is good we cannot see the future.  We can look forward with anticipation and hope.  Hope is positive but there is a tad of negativity in the oft repeated phrase: “Well, it can’t get worse can it?”

When you are a caregiver to a loved with Alzheimer’s disease it can get worse.  There is no denying that, yet my Bert is able to bring joy.  He has two fixations these days.  He looks at me and calls me his wife but is unsure that I am Paula.  It seems there are two Paulas.  One he met years ago and remembers and this old, masked, face shielded and sometimes gowned apparition who is somewhat familiar but is another Paula.

The next fixation is that he is often at sea when he is hallucinating.  Most times he is on a cruise but at other times he is sailing with the Swedish Merchant Marines.  He cruises a lot and usually tells me to show other guests (he sees them) to the dining room.  There is logic to that as I always visit him to help out at mealtimes.

I want to be in his brain.  First the Paula he is seeing is one I would like to see when I look in the mirror each morning.  She was hot! 

Oh, to be on a favourite cruise line, enjoying the sea, the people, the ports, the tours, the food.

My Bert and I are still living in true partnership.   He is living in recap mode and I must look forward to meet what’s next.  That is perfect symmetry.

The Meander:  May we more than endure in 2021.  May the new normal be an improved normal in a healthy world.

Happy New Year!