No doubt resolutions are being made left right and centre. Resolutions are being broken even as I write. Resolutions made at the stroke of midnight as 2019 dawned are already in the trashcan of what might have been. I rarely make resolutions even though I see the New Year as an opportunity to begin anew, to look forward, even to dream and to plan. However, to continue my ruminations on 2018 I have decided to take a leaf from Melinda Gates’ book and choose one word to guide me throughout this year. It has been reported she does that and since I am not that enamoured by resolutions this seems a good alternative. I have chosen ‘Light’ to be the word that will guide me throughout 2019. I have decided to walk in the light to see the light and whenever possible to be the light. It sounds laudable but I have to acknowledge that this may be the hardest objective I have ever set. Yet at the same time I have some confidence that it is the one I may be able to attain.
So far keeping resolutions has not been my forte. I am going to lose weight is a recurring theme which starts with gusto and swiftly ends with gusto – usually with the Valentine chocolates. I am going to start and stick to an exercise regimen. Yes! Except that I have not decided which year this is to begin. Since I make the resolution at midnight I should begin on New Year’s Day. If I have stayed up until midnight I am too tired to start that day, and by January 2nd the enthusiasm has curbed to the point of lethargy and there is a book somewhere that is calling me. How much more civilized to exercise in such a peaceful, restful, and for me the necessary occupation of reading a good book while swaddled in a soft throw and curled in my favourite chair. The mind needs exercise too!
This year I am transitioning from the ridiculous to the sublime of resolution making. No resolutions, just a word and determination. Walking in light, seeing the light, being the light is incredible conceit, a pipe dream, or maybe setting me up for failure. Yet I think, even though it is only day five, that I will succeed better than I have ever done before.
Living with a loved one with Alzheimer disease is living in darkness. Caregivers know that because until this we have lived in light. This is my first purposeful plan that is not me focused. This is for my Bert. My Bert needs light. He needs to see the light outside, inside and see me as light. His happiness is my light, my happiness is his light. Caregivers live for two. I want to shine a light for my Bert, for other caregivers and everyone I meet. Still I am being selfish as I believe I will benefit the most if I succeed.
This is also the first plan that will perforce depend on outside help. It is family, Lifeliners, friends, counsellors, my support system who will walk in the light with me, seek to see the light with me and encourage me in my efforts to be the light. They know and they care.
The Meander: “Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.” — Helen Keller
This is from someone who knew the dark intimately. I wonder how invincible I can be against Alzheimer disease. Then again it is not a ‘difficulty’ it’s a disease. I do not have to be invincible. Come walk in the light with me.