#Friends and friendship

Finding Balance

This post should perhaps be called the joy of travel but I think my experience on my first cruise adventure without my best travel partner, Bert, was more about discovery and finding balance.

When Corbert, Amy and I sat down to discuss my resuming travel and cruising in particular, I was hesitant. Bert and I loved to travel and sometimes took ‘the kids’ with us. We all were bitten by the travel bug so wanting to travel again was almost a given. The hesitancy came from the fact that an important component, Dad, would not be with us.

We chose a South American cruise beginning in Buenos Aires, Argentina and ending in Santiago, Chile. There were a number of factors going for it. I would be able to introduce them to good friends in Buenos Aires and in Chile. In fact, I call them my Argentinean and Chilean families. Also I was going to attend a wedding in Santiago and once again I would be able to get close and personal to penguins.

All went according to plan except for the unsolicited visit from Bert to my birthday lunch in Santiago which I wrote about in my last post https://paulasmeanderings.com/birthday-tremor/.

There are too many highlights to record here but a few do stand out. My friends in Buenos Aires had booked tickets for us to Senor Tango a spectacular tango dinner show. It brought moist eyes as I remembered how Bert wanted so much to see this show with Corbert. The show ends with a stirring rendition of Evita: Don’t Cry for me Argentina, one of Corbert’s favourite songs. When it came up, memory brought a few tears.

It was a pleasure to take them to lunch at the same pub on Stanley in the Falklands where the fish and chips went down easily. On our two previous visits Bert had declared it was the best fish and chips outside England. Then again he said that in Christchurch, New Zealand too!

Sailing around Cape Horn can be hazardous to your health. That passage is one of the roughest you can encounter. As a result, many have been on this same voyage and have never been able to get into Stanley Harbour. The cruise gods must like us as we had smooth sailing.

It was a pleasure to see both Corbert and Amy just taking in the beauty, the history and absorbing the experience as it unfolded.

In Santiago we had our own private tour guide. My friend, Paty, owns her own tour company specializing in the history of her country and wine https://wineweintours.cl/ She is the best.

However, it was the intangible that resonated most for me. Something happened that was unexpected. From the moment I stepped on to the airplane for that first leg of the flight to Argentina I experienced a lightness, a freedom to exhale, to breathe. I did not know I had been holding my breath for 11 years! I did not know how totally consumed I was with a disease, and with the burden of care.

I was so focused on doing and living for two and so angry at a disease that I had lost myself without even being aware of it.

I am weaving a different pattern. It’s not all happy and carefree. It never will be because there’s a part of me that’s missing. Yet there is now room to step away from the disease. I see myself as the conqueror not the vanquished. Alzheimer’s did give me my third age advocacy issue but it will not become the only issue. I now have time for me.

The Meander: Friends call. Travel calls. Cultural pursuits and social events call. Family takes the top position. I am ready to answer. Of course, I’ll be busy because I want to be and as the blog byline states: Standing Still is Not an Option.

Birthday Tremor

I survived the 2010 earthquake in Chile. The epicenter was in Concepcion only 200 kms from Santiago and measured 8.8 there and 8.5 in Santiago where we were spending the winter.

Today, Tuesday March 21, 2023 I woke up early and watched the sun rise over the Andes from my bedroom in Curacavi, Chile. Utter bliss. I am staying with friends. My birthday comes after an Antarctic cruise and before a wedding on Friday.

After breakfast we are going to pick up my friend’s daughter who is flying in from Barcelona where she lives. I have not seen her in almost 12 years. She was no longer a teenager but now an architect and though looking more grown up and more sophisticated seemed the same young girl I knew and loved. It was the same feeling I had when I met her brother and his wife a few days earlier. The years fell away in a long exuberant hug.

Now here we were at grandmother’s home to welcome her and to celebrate my birthday. There were 10 of us, members of what I call my Chilean family. We had demolished the laden table of food in the living room, the appetizers, and were now seated at the dining table also laden with food and making fast work of that too.

Now it was time to sing the birthday song. Of course, we had to have both versions sung in two languages. First up Cumpleaños feliz then Happy Birthday sung loudly and somewhat slightly off key under the influence of a variety of the ever flowing wonderful Chilean wines. Salud!

I smiled my thanks, raised my glass and as I lowered it to the table there was a slight shake. Then another followed which was just a tad harder. Puzzled, I looked up and saw the flowers in a large vase do a slow waltz. OMG an earthquake! Shades of 2010! I grabbed on to the table as if I could stop it from shaking. Please, I do not want to go through another 8.5 earthquake in Chile or anywhere else for that matter, I prayed. A third bigger shake rattled the dishes though not a drop of wine spilled.

I was terrified but aware enough to look around. Hard to believe but here was what registered. One lovely woman used her fork to delicately stab another quail egg and pop it into her mouth. The men were muttering something about ‘only a small tremor, no problem’. I was pleased that my Spanish was working enough to understand it all.

Then another speared a cherry tomato and reached for the crudités with the salmon coloured dip. My beef empanada was cooling on my plate as I refused to let go of the table.

Two men and a woman went to the balcony to see what was happening to the water in the swimming pool. Don’t ask. I didn’t. Grandma stretched out her hand gently stroked my hand.

My dear friend was watching the other vase of flowers doing a lazy dip and fall back salsa routine. Another calmly, nonchalantly sipped his sparkling wine savouring it with obvious pleasure. I looked up at the chandelier and silently begged it not to come tumbling down as the crystals played a tinkling tune as it swayed and shimmied. Then with a last shudder things stopped moving.

It’s over, only a little tremor. No problem. That was the general consensus. They checked into the earthquake website or whatever it is called. The report said an earthquake measuring 5.1 occurred in Santiago and environs.

By that time everyone, except me, was back to eating and drinking. Still tremulous I picked up my empanada again. I was not yet quite back to normal but laughed, perhaps with a bit of hysteria when one suggested that Bert had come to visit and the little tremor was his special birthday greeting to me. That was what I needed to be calmed, helped along in a large part by my third or fourth glass of wine. As the talk turned to Bert I reflected on the many amazing birthdays I have had: bonding with elephants in Sri Lanka; celebrating Nyepi in Bali; going over the Andes from Santiago to Mendoza, Argentina, and so many more!

This little birthday tremor will join the crowd as being very special. I was surrounded by friends, enjoying Chilean wine, eating food that was prepared with love, being serenaded in both Spanish and English versions of the birthday song, and a visit by Bert in the form of an earthquake which somehow was typical and fitting. With a sigh of relief and in serenity I went back to my empanada.

The Meander: The entire trip was a celebration of LIFE.

“For everything that lives is Holy, Life delights in Life”. William Blake

Christmas 2022

What a year!

It was too short; it was too long

It was too busy; it was not busy enough.

There were tremendous highs and the deepest lows.

All in a single year.

New IDs – Author. Widow. Honouree 100 ABC Women.

A disease gave new direction.

Love conquered.

May you have a wonderful Holiday Season whatever your celebration may be.

May your New Year be filled with new Hope, more Light, unconditional Love and PEACE!

A Golden Night

Friday January 11, 2019 I woke up very early. The weather report said it was -12 Celsius with a wind chill of -20! Brrrrrrr. But this is Canada in winter.

January 11, 1969 was on a Saturday. When I awoke then it was already 28 Celsius with a projected high of 30! But this is Jamaica in winter.

The coincidence did not escape me. Fifty years married and a 50 degree difference in temperature.

On Friday, January 11, 2019 my Bert and I celebrated our 50^th wedding anniversary with 50 close friends. It was a Golden night, a night filled with love and Light.

The setting was special, decorated in gold and white. The dinner was marvellous. The toasts were heartfelt and warm and so eloquently delivered. Best of all was the love that seemed to permeate every corner of the room.

I saw friends making friends. I saw smiles, heard joyous laughter, saw caring glances and chuckled at the comments made at our ‘before’ and ‘after’ photographs.

It was a night to reminisce. Fifty years is a long time together for any couple. During that time we loved, we argued, we worked, we had successes, we had failures, we gave, we received, and we brought two wonderful children into the world. We mourned, we hoped, we laughed, we always laughed. We travelled the world, we helped, we got help, and we supported and received support.

It was a celebration of friendship. Throughout our lives my Bert and I have been blessed with the most wonderful friends. We are so grateful for that so decided we would do our best to have some of them share in our joy and to let them know how much they mean to us. They were representative of so many more whose influence and guidance and love have helped to make us who we are.

It was a night of family and friends who are family in every sense of the word. There were some we missed, but who were with us in spirit. Our best man at our wedding could not be with us in person but he was with us in song as his recording of The Prayer was played. At our age some who wanted to be with us could not for a variety of reasons but we still felt their love.

The highlights are many. The wonderful paean from our dear friend; the tribute from our beloved son; the reading of Sonnet 44 Elizabeth Barrett Browning ‘s How Do I Love Thee.

However, the greatest moment of sheer immediate and spontaneous laughter happened when we attempted to renew our vows. Our family friend and Minister had in perspicacity and necessity reduced the vows to a simple: “…Bert I ask you, do you still want to be married to your wife Paula?” Bert looked at him and said: “Let me think about that.” The laughter filled the room. I was in stitches as I thought: “That’s my Bert.” As usual, my Bert set the mood for the rest of the night. It was laughter, joy, Love and Light in the company of family and friends.

The Meander: My Bert and I opened the dancing with ‘our song’ Unchained Melody. As we danced, my Bert held me close and sang the words throughout to me. In our eyes was only love. Love endures.