How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)
Elizabeth Barrett Browning 1806 –1861
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
For 53 years the couple would awaken and read or recite or hear a friend saying these immortal words. It was a January ritual begun on the first wedding anniversary.
On January 11, 2023, in love and remembrance only one mouthed the words in the cold morning. It was comforting.
Today, September 25th is a day that should have no special import but from now on may be a day for mourning, or not. On waking, the first thought, the first need was to hear this poem. The accompanying memory was of a soft slow issuance of breath, an afterthought it seemed. That breath came after a long pause and seemed to linger as it floated outward and upward and returned on the gossamer wings of a butterfly to settle with a soft caress. My Bert smiled. It was the final, soundless aspiration that filled the room.
But today is a day to put aside maudling sentimentality and contemplate present reality. Today marks the first year of living a strange unfamiliar singleness.
It was a poignant year not of mourning but of doing. Too busy advocating, informing, educating, sharing, caring, remembering, living. There were a few tears outweighed by a plethora of remembered joys. Tears wiped away within the ever surrounding arms of family and friends.
Today I meander through our song, gaze at albums, twinned biographies, and I laugh at our shared moments of joy or sigh at our shared moments of grief and wonder at the miraculous journey of two lives entwined.
And today I share our love poem with friends, families, all who love and mourn and remember their loved ones who are gone but have not left.
The Meander: Love endures. There is an everlasting delicacy in loving someone after they are gone. There is blessing in memory.
God bless and strenthen you, Paula. Thanks for sharing your stories and meanderings.
Blessings to you. Your comment is much appreciated.
Paula, you are a special human being, just what I recognized in you when I first met you. You are my teacher, my inspiration. I feel lucky to have met you and to have you in my life. I am sorry I was not there when you got a standing ovation after your last talk. I would have been the loudest in that crowd. You are an example of how to learn from a difficult experience and turn it into a positive learning and growth. Cudos to yo Paula. I hope to be able to attend Oct 3 talk.
Thank you for these kind words, Susanna. They are very much appreciated.
Paula, this sure says a lot, and a reminder of the many memories we made with you both. They will forever live with us your friends. Much love and God bless.
We did share a lot, sisterfriend. We still do. So grateful to have you as my sisterfriend.
Blessings.
Paula, my beautiful friend. I was almost moved to tears, reading your beautiful post. I have to say it reminds me of the loss of my dad. It will be 2 yrs in Oct. I can hardly believe it. It feels like yesterday to me. Images of his funeral and last days swirl around in my head. I understand all to well, what you are going through. In some ways I have also lost my mother. I am all to familiar with loss. I’d much rather not be. I in some ways envy your life, for you had a great love, something I can only dream about, and may never have.
I want to mention one other thing, i did notice once that your husband had quite the uncanny resemblence to my grandfather(on my moms side). I swear they look so similar. It caught me a little off guard. Did make me wonder though. I tell you, I did the ancestry dna thing and i discovered some interesting possible relations to various families. Multigenerational too.
Anyway, I want to leave you with a big hug and tell you Im thinking of you. I look forward to connecting with you again soon. Take care my good friend.
Thanks for this lovely comment. Loss is part of living.
Sending hugs back to you and hope we will connect soon.
Beautifully said. May you continue to be comforted by the many warm memories.
Thank you, Erma. The many great memories sustains.
Blessings.