The last few days have weighed heavily on all aspects of our lives. We are living in a global pandemic. I miss seeing my Bert so much. We make the best of phone calls, ZOOM visits and revel in the simplest pleasure while separated.
Then the Military Report that revealed the horrific conditions in Ontario’s Long Term Care homes was published. There was a general wringing of hands, wailing and gnashing of teeth even from those who knew or should have known. The report revealed in bald, bare facts the long standing atrocities that were perpetuated against our most vulnerable.
For those of us who had intimate knowledge of the system, for those who lost their loved ones during this pandemic it was no surprise. If there was surprise it was to wonder how the system was allowed to become so degraded. It was sickening to read the report.
We are aware that when people become products for profit they become expendable losing priority to the greater and more important issue of shareholder profits. It is the reason we have advocacy groups solely concerned with residents and families in Long Term Care. It takes constant vigilance and proactive, consistent effort to oversee the well being of our families and friends who are residents.
The fact that my Bert was in a home that did provide good care and security; that his caregivers were dedicated, committed, loving and went beyond the call of duty to look after our loved ones, did not take away from the immense sadness felt as I read the full report. It only made me resolve even more to be an advocate on behalf of the community of which I am one.
The telephone call came as I deliberated ways I could be a voice in the Long Term Care solution.
“Paula, do you have the news on? Turn it on. There is a report of another black man killed by the police in the US and it is all on tape.” I could hear the agitation in my friend’s voice.
I turned on the T.V and I still cannot get the image erased from my mind. I witnessed a modern day lynching in living colour. For a moment, just like George Floyd I could not breathe.
Myriad emotions fought for space. I was sad. I was angry. I was enraged and felt a deep despair. Playing out in front of me was 400 years of hate, fear, mistrust, and the negative branding of black people as being less evolved and thus less human than a white person.
I watched the protests and marches. I listened to the prattle of various pundits. I saw the lowest denominator of humanity look for excuses, take advantage, and indulge in riotous behaviour.
The irony of the greatest proponent of building a wall to keep asylum seekers and immigrants outside and now cowering behind a hastily built third wall to keep citizens out of the ‘Peoples House’ is risible.
The double irony is that the descendants of slaves are the ones who suffer the greatest racism yet are the only ones in America who are not immigrants. They never bought a ticket, filled in immigration papers nor were they refugees or asylum seekers fleeing war or pestilence or poverty. They were not seeking a better life. They were cruelly captured, dragged from their villages, separated from their families, chained, penned in the filthiest conditions imaginable, endured a most hazardous ocean voyage, whipped, died and thrown overboard like so much garbage, then put on a block and sold as chattel in a foreign land where wealth was determined by the number of slaves you owned.
Those who came later, who actually chose to be immigrants are dumped into the same pool because, well, they are black. If you are black you can never achieve first class status. You are forever a second class citizen.
That racism that is embedded in the DNA of white America still sees a Black President as an aberration, the exception that proves the rule and still vilifies him.
The thousands of George Floyds over the years that have suffered systemic racism in all its virulent forms do not have a chance. They were and are still at the mercy of those who clothe themselves in the impregnable hoods of white priviledge.
Friends across the spectrum and from five different countries have all asked: “What can we do to change this?” There are ideas being floated the simplest of which is, as the Bell mental Health slogan suggests, ‘Let’s Talk’. Being black in America is certainly a major mental health issue.
It is simple but not easy. Already the cowards who are witnessing what I hope is the beginning of a new era are saying the opposite: “Don’t get into any debate with any black person because no matter what, now they will be always right.” That is the racist DNA talking. At a time when we should be engaging in meaningful conversation, of learning about each other, of trying to understand, they would disengage, crawl into their bunkers until this all blows over and then they can be the ones who emerge, as usual, always ’right’.
Let’s call out the little incidents of biases and not in a whisper but right out loud. Recognize when you are being patronized or used as a token to fit someone’s notion of diversity. My American friends of all stripes talk of being ‘ashamed’ ‘sad’, devastated’ ‘despondent’, ‘pessimistic’. They can do what I cannot. They can vote. It is a powerful tool in any effort to impel change.
Yes, I am a shy one but last Christmas, while shopping in my local grocery store the line to the cashier was so long that I remarked: “Wow! Will we get out today?” The man behind me laughed and began to sing Silent Night. The next commented: “Yeah, wish we get out by nightfall.” Two women joined in the carol as did I and before long we had quite a choir singing Christmas carols.
Sometimes that is all you need to demonstrate the commonality of human beings or as John Lennon and Paul McCartney wrote: “All you need is love. There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.” I know little things can mean a lot.
The effect of the blatant lynching of George Floyd echoes the fight of Martin Luther King, Jr, the resilience of Nelson Mandela, the selfless charity and humility of Mother Teresa, and so many others. They achieved their approbation through continuous and prolonged dedication to their cause.
400 years of oppression will not evaporate in a day or a year or ten. To right the wrongs that will result in a more just society will take everything in us that makes us human, and the will to stay the course no matter how Herculean the task or difficult the journey.
I just hope it will not take 400 years.
The Meander: It took a virus to highlight the darkness of Long Term Care;
It took a global pandemic to open our eyes to recognize the real heroes of our day;
It took the recording of the murder of another black man to underline the evil that is racism.
There is global condemnation. Dare we hope that a new day dawns that will usher in a better future for all?
Paula, first of all I must let you know that I am not able at this time to truly respond to those two serious, and heart-aching issues you highlighted. I will give you a call, but must say you penned excellently and correctly my sentiments on both issues.
That video of the horrific killing of Mr. George Floyd is etched in my mind ever since I first viewed it. It has caused me to see more clearly the plague, systemic racism, that surrounds us. We must now talk, and listen, to each other, to try and understand. Kindness, love, and empathy from everyone (even if you don’t or can’t understand what’s happening), can help to change this dismal landscape facing the black race here, and around the world.
So until, please stay safe and well. Love you and God bless.
You have said it all. Appreciate this and know the call will be even more illuminating. I think certain images will remain with us as we try to come to grips with man’s inhumanity to man.
I think the world is at a turning point and we are truly making history and living in history. I am especially heartened that the young people are leading the change.
It can be so hard to be optimistic – we’ve all been disappointed too many times – but I do sense a groundswell of demand for more than words, a surge of realistic advocacy for a fundamental re-examination of police roles and mandates, and some earnest self-examination on the part of individuals who thought they had “got it” but had much to learn. I place myself in the last category, as I have come to understand I’ve been far too smug as a Canadian. When we see with both eyes, we learn. We should not be comparing ourselves to the USA, but to the best country we can be, and we are far from that. And I share your dismay at the state of elder care in this province, Paula. It is disgraceful. I’ve said in writing that I would rather be pushed off a cliff than go into most of those places, and I hope my family will do the right thing and push me if this isn’t cleaned up. It will cost money to bring this into the public health care system. That, and some backbone.
It will take money, consistent advocacy and commitment to be part of the solution to clean up Long Term Care. This is a decades old problem.
It will take the same plus a cultural shift and mindset to begin the journey to eradicate the scourge that is racism.
I want to think that ‘yes we can’.
I do appreciate your comment.
Wow! Just wow! How eloquent you are in sharing your thoughts, feelings etc. You really should of been a writer in another life.
I can only imagine the pain and difficulty you must feel, being kept apart from Bert. It’s a different kind of isolation almost, that spouses have. My only uneducated advice would be, is to reflect on all the amazing memories you’ve made together, all the experiences you got to have. Look back at old photos or perhaps watch old videos of your lives together. Transport your mind, back to those times, even for a moment. Tell yourself, how lucky and fortunate you were to have those experiences together. Remind yourself, how many amazing years you got to have together, before this disease took over. Those are the things you have to hold on to. It’s all you have left to hold on to. I mean, I have to tell myself the same things. My mother is losing more of herself every day, and so rapidly too. I’m even forgetting some things about her, and it scares me. I try desperately to hold on to my memories of what my mother once was. All she could do, all she was, all she taught me. It breaks my heart into a million pieces when I see what’s being taken from her. It’s a most powerless feeling and a hopeless one too. When she looks at me and sees someone else or sees a stranger, it kills me. I sometimes wonder what I feel toward her anymore. I dont know how to resolve this in my head, how to accept what is. I just keep going somehow.
When I look at the news and see what horrific violence, aggression and oppression is taking place, I can only shake my head and wonder why people behave like this, why they choose to act this way. Dont people understand that violence & aggression is never the answer.
I have so much empathy for what people are feeling and why, but for me, this approach is not the answer. Frankly I’m tired of seeing it. It’s time for it to come to an end and lets move on. There are for more pressing issues going on in the world that need our attention.
With that, I must go. Stay safe, stay healthy. Talk soon my friend.
The Epistle according to my pal, Stephanie and what a great one this is in every way.
Thank you.
Apologies my friend. You’d be the second friend of mine who labled my responses as epistles.
I do on occasion tend to be long winded. I perhaps express myself just a bit too much.
I’ll try to contain myself a bit more.
No apologies and don’t you dare stop. I do so love getting your well thought out and spoken from the heart epistles. It would be not you if you did not pour out your angst, hopes, frustrations and advice in your comments.
Don’t deny me the pleasure of your own ruminations. I would miss them too much and miss the practical take you put on each of the posts.
Thanks, pal. Please keep it up.
Okay, I will. For you I will.
Thank you for saying such nice things.
Yes when I respond to something, I really do put a lot of thought into it. It’s just part of my innate nature. It’s kind of like an automatic thing. I’m glad you enjoy them.
Please carry on. We are on the same page.
Oh Paula, you write so well about these issues, which are so close to my heart.
Thank you.
Thank you so much. This, coming from you, is special as you know of what I speak. I applaud your efforts on behalf of humanity.
A powerful piece Paula. The care sector is one of our most important, yet it is staffed by some of the most low paid people and plagued by low standards in the UK too. Deaths from covid-19 in care homes have been very high. And yet it seems we’ll do nothing about it until we need it, by which time it will be too late.
George Floyd’s murder was a disgrace, and I know it is all too common. You make a really good point about those suffering who never chose to be in the US in the first place. I really hope there will be a change, but I fear that there won’t.
In Canada 85% of deaths from Covid-19 are from Long Term Care facilities. Appalling. It seems that as a society we have devalued the worth of our most vulnerable in the everlasting search for greed, power and to bolster our inflated egos. How sad.
I do not want to admit to failure but like you I am skeptical that there will any real change.
We have so many issues attacking us during this pandemic. Each and all of them provide so much pain and so much that needs to be done. I can only share your agony and pine for your hopes.
Right now Larry I feel as if I am teetering on a fence built upon years of racism and neglect of our elderly. On one side is hope and on the other is despair. I want to fall in hope but to date history is on the other side.
Thank you, friend for being on the right side. You give me hope.
Well said Paula!
Thanks, Gail. I needed my therapy to absorb it all. I had to comment somehow.