Thirty years ago I received a Christmas gift. It was a hardcover perpetual calendar titled: Special Days: A record Keeper for Birthdays, Anniversaries and Special Days.
For thirty years I have used it, filling it with my special people and the dates that correspond to birthdays, anniversaries and other important occasions that merit annual acknowledgement. When I got that gift I had no idea it would become such a useful and necessary tool.
An important year end tradition embodied in this gift is the annual ritual of transferring the names, dates and my own classification system as to what is being celebrated to the new desk top daily journal.
Yes, I still have an annual journal/diary on my desk. At first it was only for a quick reminder. Now it is a critical memory resource. My desk diary tells me what I am doing when and where, with whom and why. It tells me as I turn the pages which family member or friend has a special celebration.
I need no reminder for many but recording the names gives me a moment to pause and to be grateful for the people I have in my life.
As I transfer the names and particulars I also put a red ’D’ beside the names of those who have died during the year. I won’t have to put them in the new desk diary anymore. Yet each year as I continue the tradition I will have a moment to pause, to reflect and to remember the impact they had on my life.
2023 was a many ‘D’ year. My red pen almost ran out of ink as I diligently freshened past ‘Ds’ and marked the red ‘D’ beside each new death.
For a brief moment I will mourn the loss again. There was a frisson of intense sorrow as I placed the ‘D’ beside a name of one who shared my birthday and later on beside the name of the spouse. Both lost in one year.
I remember too that despite my avoidance of technology how the digital age has allowed me to attend so many funerals. It is now customary to send out the Zoom link with the announcement of the celebration of life arrangements. Like it or not, this age of technology does have its silver lining.
I have not yet crossed through, blotted out, or overwritten a name. Instead they remain with just that ‘D’ that indicates they are in a different place, but remain here in my calendar and in my heart.
This year I also noted that although so many have gone the count of names in my calendar has not decreased. In fact there are three more than last year, including the birth of another honorary grandson, to be sent birthday cards!
Three more names mean that I am connecting to more people, still making friends who qualify for my perpetual calendar in perpetuity. That’s the silver lining of my thirty year old Christmas gift!
The Meander: “Time doesn’t take away from Friendship, nor does separation” – Tennessee Williams
Happy New Year!